Too Little Too Late
by LyricsArePoetry
Summary: Rose and the Human Doctor are arguing a lot, and by the tiem Rose realises what she really wants it's too late!
1. The Argument

_A/N: please R&R!_

_**Too Little Too Late  
**__**Chapter 1: The Argument.**_

'Rose, for the millionth time, I am just like him. I practically am him' The Human version of the Doctor insisted. 'I think like him, talk like him, walk like him, act like him. His memories are my memories. How am I not him?'

Rose had grown tired of this argument. She had accepted this human was the Doctor. She had fallen in love with him, but then she fell pregnant. When she fell pregnant she found herself realising how different to the Doctor this human version was. It was true he was like the Doctor, but he was so human. Everything he did was so human, and that was the opposite of the real Doctor. Everything the real Doctor did was so not-human, and it was not being human that made him for who was. Their daughter was 6 months old now, and over the past year the Human-Doctor - now using the name John Smith - had had this argument too often. They'd named their daughter after friends of the Doctor's: Donna Martha Sarah Jane Tyler-Smith. Rose wanted to leave the John, and if there had just been her to think about she would've left a long time, but it wasn't just her. Rose had to consider Donna before making any decisions. She wanted to leave John, but she wanted Donna to grow up with her Mum _and _her Dad. But Rose also wanted Donna to grow up happy, if she stayed with John they'd continue arguing, and Donna would grow up surrounded by arguments. So Rose didn't know what to do. She wished she could just accept John as the Doctor, so everything was ok but she couldn't. she tried, she really tried, but every time he did something different she always found herself saying 'The Doctor would've…' and John would get annoyed with her. And that in itself showed how different he was. The Doctor wouldn't've had ago at her so quickly.

'Well Rose?' John's voice was getting louder, more annoyed. 'What part of me isn't good enough for you'

'It's not like that' Rose insisted. 'And keep your voice down, Donna's asleep'

'So what is it like?' John lowered his voice to a whispered, but kept the annoyance in the tone he was using.

'John I want to love you. I want you to be the Doctor. I want to be with you and be happy, and for Donna to grow up happy with us but I can't because you aren't him, and I love him not you'

'I _am _him Rose. I really am' John insisted. 'Look at me. Please Rose just look at me'

Rose looked up at him slowly, when she made eye contact she found herself unable to look away straight away even though she wanted to.

'Don't tell me when you look at me that you don't see him because I know you do' John said.

'Of course I do. You're identical to him. But it's like twins, you can look exactly the same, doesn't make you the same person' Rose said, finally looking away.

'And when I'm talking, and I'm doing things, you must see him in me'

'Well yes but…'

'Because I am him'

'NO!' Rose hadn't meant to shout, and regretted it instantly as Donna started screaming.

'Oh well done' John said, as Rose stood up to check Donna was ok. She picked Donna up out of her cot, and rocked her gently. 'It's ok, baby. It's ok' She soothed quietly. She looked up to John 'Everyone makes mistakes. Stop criticizing everything I do' She hissed quietly, still rocking Donna in her arms.

'You're hardly one to talk' John whispered back. 'Every time I do something it's always "the Doctor would've done this…" or "the Doctor wouldn't have done that…" like nothing I ever do is good enough because it's not like he would do. Rose I am exactly like him'

'You aren't' Rose's voice was quiet. 'You're so different'

'What about the first year or so? We were happy then, you could see I was the Doctor then. What changed when you fell pregnant?' John asked.

'I started looking at you differently. I didn't mean to, I certainly didn't want to, but you seemed so different from him' Rose replied.

'And you started to see that once you fell pregnant?' John asked.

'Don't you dare blame this on Donna. It's not her fault' Rose warned.

'Oh I'm not. Believe me I'm not. I'm blaming it on you' John said. 'One minute we're happy, and the next minute you're criticizing every move I make. Comparing me to what I did when you were travelling with me'

'Stop it' Rose was careful to keep her voice quiet but still show her annoyance. 'I didn't travel with you. I travelled with the 900 year old Time Lord who is still travelling out there in the other universe. You, I first saw coming out the TARDIS on the Daleks crucible with Donna. Not in the basement of a shop, on the crucible. And nothing you say is going to change the facts. You can't change the past…not in that way. I'm sorry'

'I've had enough of this' John said. 'Rose I love you, never forget that. But I have had enough of you now'

'What are you talking about?' Rose asked, her voice so quiet it was hardly able to be heard.

'I'm leaving' John said. 'Now'

'Now? John be reasonable about this, it's 1 am' Rose said. 'At least wait until the morning'

'I'll find a hotel' John said.

'What about Donna?' Rose asked.

'I'll be back for my stuff, we can sort something out then' John said, and walked out.

Rose sat down on the bed numb with shook. She held Donna close to her, as the tears ran down her face. 'It'll be ok baby' She whispered, trying to convince herself more than Donna. 'It'll be ok.'


	2. Goodbye, and I love you

_A/N: Okies…so he left her…yeah…that wasn't part of the original plans…why do my stories never stay to the original plan? Lolz! This whole chapter wasn't planned until I was writing the last bit of the first chapter!_

_**Chapter 2: Goodbye and I love you:**_

When Rose woke up the next morning she found Donna was asleep on her chest. She looked across the bed, and it wasn't until she saw that John wasn't there that she remembered their argument the night before, and how he had walked out on her. He said he'd be back, when though Rose didn't know. Rose didn't even know where he was planning to go, or what he was planning to do. She knew him well enough to know he wouldn't just walk out on Donna, it was only her he was walking out on. In a way she didn't blame him, she'd been so hard on him. She hadn't meant to, but he just wasn't the Doctor. And in her defence he always shouted back whenever she said anything, he was more often the one causing the argument. But if he did only come back to get his things and to arrange contact with Donna that would mean Rose would be on her own again. She realised that was the real reason she had never been able to walk out on him. Because he may be so different to the Doctor, but the wrong Doctor, was better than no Doctor. And Rose didn't know if she could cope with being without the Doctor at all.

She sat up, being careful not to wake Donna up in the process. She placed Donna down in her cot, and got dressed. When Donna woke up, she took her downstairs to feed her, to find John sitting in the kitchen.

'John?' Rose whispered, not really sure how she felt about him being there. Part of her was glad, part of her wasn't. She didn't know what else to say so she didn't say anything.

'I just came to get changed and see Donna before I got to work.' John said, taking Donna off Rose. 'Hey Donnie, Daddy missed you last night'

Rose fought back the tears as she watched John with Donna. She didn't want him to leave, but she did. She couldn't live without him, but she couldn't live with him. And she just didn't know what to do.

'I can drop her off at your Mum and Dad's, if you want to go on to work' John said.

Rose still didn't know what to say. Work was the last thing on her mind. 'No it's all right' She said. 'I was going to call in sick'

'Why?' John said.

'Because John, I need to clear my head' Rose replied. 'Because going into work would be a pointless effort because right now I can't think straight. I haven't got a clue what's going on in my own head, and yet I'm still trying to work out what's going through yours.'

'Right. D'you still want me to take Donna to Jackie and Pete's or should she stay here with you?' John asked.

'She can stay with me'

'Ok. I'll come back after work to get some stuff'

'John, please. Where are you planning to stay?' Rose asked

'With Karl from work' John said, 'He said he'd lend me his sofa'

'Can't you just stay here?' Rose asked. 'You have a home here, you don't have to stay on someone's sofa'

'Yes Rose, I do' John said. 'I can't stay here when every time I look at you I know you're comparing me to him. I can't stay here knowing you don't love me for me. And I cant stay here when I don't have a clue what you want, and I know even _you _don't know what you want it's too hard Rose. And I'm so sorry'

Rose took Donna off him, 'So am I. I really am'

'I love you Rose. Believe me I don't want to do this' John said.

'I know' Rose said. 'I'll see you tonight'


	3. It's too late anyway

-1_A/N: It's amazing how you can completely dislike a character, and plan to write hi as a really mean horrible person that no one will miss and then you start writing and you're writing a completely different story to the one you plan, and that character ends up being ok, and missed a lot. BTW…just in case you think I don't I DO LIKE ROSE…I didn't MEAN to give her a broken heart this bad! Please R&R:_

_**Chapter 3: It's Too Late Anyway:**_

She wants him to stay. She wants him to go. She needs him to stay. She needs him to go. She had no idea what she wanted, what she needed. Both. She needed him with her, but she needed him away from her. And there was no way both of those could happen. That was impossible. Of course she knew what she really needed, what she really needed was the real Doctor, but that was never going to happen. The real Doctor thought she'd be happy here, and she was, she really was. But now she wasn't. And now she just really wanted to see him, and be with him again.

But what about John? He was right, and he was wrong. He was like the Doctor in many ways, but he wasn't the same as him. He was brilliant, but he wasn't the Doctor. And what Rose couldn't work out was whether she could love him, for him, not for being like the Doctor. But for being his own person. Could she do that? Would he be willing to give her another chance to try that? He said he loved her, if she was willing to try, surely he would give her the chance. But could she do that? Could she love him for him, not who he looked him. She wanted to, but she didn't know if she could. Of course she wouldn't know if she didn't try. And she had to try. For Donna. For John. And for herself.

'Come on, baby, we're going to find Daddy' Rose said to Donna. She placed her in her buggy and was about to go out when the phone rang. 'Maybe that's him now' She said hopefully.

'Rose' The voice on the other end of the phone was frantic. 'Rose you need to come straight away'

'Why what's happened?' Rose said, suddenly panicking. 'Tell me what's happened. Has something happened to the…to John? Please tell me nothing has happened to John'

'Rose just come in. Quickly' Rose realised it was Jodie on the other end.

'Jodie please tell me what's going on' Rose pleaded unable to keep the worry out of her voice.

'John's been in an accident' Jodie replied. 'It's serious. You have to come in now'

Rose didn't answer, she just put the phone down, grabbed Donna's buggy and went out as quickly as possible. All the way to Torchwood Rose was terrified about what had happened to John. Terrified it was too late to make it right.

'Where is he?' Rose asked the second she got there.

'Rose' Jackie was at Rose's side in a moment. She looked scared, upset and worried.

'What happened?' Rose managed to keep her voice calm, although her face was another story.

'He was attack by an alien' Jackie replied.

'I wanna see him' Rose said.

'Rose he may no…' Jackie started.

'I have to see him' Rose insisted.

'No one's going to stop you seeing him, sweetheart, but you have to know he…he's…' Jackie struggled to finish.

Rose's voice broke now, 'Is he going to die?' The tears she had been holding back now fell down her face. Jackie didn't answer, but she didn't need to, her face was answer enough.

'Let me see him. Now!' Rose cried.

'Watch Donna' Jackie said to Jodie and lead Rose thought to the medical room where John was lying half conscious on a bed.

'John' Rose said when she saw him. She went and saw on the edge of the bed beside him. 'John I'm…I'm soo sorry'

'No' John replied, he groaned in pain. 'Rose, you do know that I wasn't really going to leave you don't you?'

Rose nodded, tears running freely down her face. 'Of course I do.' She wiped her eyes, willing a fresh lot of tears not to fall. 'John I…I think I always loved you, not just for the Doctor, but for you'

John smiled, 'I know. I knew that all along, I just needed you to work it out yourself. That's the only reason I left you, so that you could work that out'

Rose laughed slightly, 'That's crazy'

'That…ahhh…logic' John replied.

'John?' Rose looked right at him, and saw the pain in his eyes.

'I'm glad you came' John said.

'Of course I came' Rose replied. 'I'd never have just left you on your own'

'Rose…ah ah ah…Rose I'm sorry, and I…ahh…I love you' John said, and stopped breathing.

'I love you too' Rose whispered. A fresh load of tears ran down her face as she realised John was no longer breathing. 'NO! NO NOT YET! Not now' She cried desperately. 'You can't leave me now. John please, JOHN!' Her voice went really quiet. 'John? No' Rose stayed sat on the bed beside John, she held onto his hand, never wanted to let him go. Tears continued to fall down her face as she sat there completely numb.

'Rose?' Jackie's voice was soft and gentle. 'Rose I don't think you should stay sat here.

Rose barely heard her, she was hardly of anything around her except John, lying in front of her. She had wanted to make a life with him again, but now it was just too late. There was nothing should could do to bring him back. And Donna would grow up without her Daddy, just like Rose had. The only difference was there was no chance Donna would ever see another version of him in years to come. Now it was just Rose and Donna. Alone. No Doctor. No John. Just the two of them. And Rose swore she would never let anything hurt her baby.

'Rose?' Jackie tapped Rose on the shoulder.

'Donna' Rose said.

'She with Jodie' Jackie replied.

Rose stood up, and went to find Donna. She passed Jackie as though she didn't even notice she was there, like she was in some sort of trance. _Just like the first time she lost the Doctor, _Jackie thought and followed Rose out.

The tears were still falling down Rose's face as she picked up Donna from her buggy. 'It's ok baby. It'll be all right' Rose said. She held Donna close to her, rocking her gently. 'We'll be ok…We will' Rose didn't believe a word of what she was saying, but wished she could, and she needed Donna to believe it, even if she didn't understand what was going on.


	4. All because of you, Baby

-1_**Chapter 4: All because of you, baby:**_

As the weeks went on Donna was the only reason Rose kept going. Donna was the only thing that stopped Rose from falling apart. Everyday when Rose looked at Donna she saw more of John in her. And that was how Rose got through the days, knowing John was still alive in their baby.

She tried not to cry in front of Donna, but that was hard. She didn't want Donna out of her sight for to long because she was scared something would happen to her. She talked to Donna all the time about John and about the Doctor. About everything they did. About how they were different, but how they were the same. About how loved them both.

Rose kept all of John's stuff around the house. She didn't want to clear it away into boxes, or get rid of any of it. Putting it out of sight would back the truth even more obvious that it already was to her. Everyday she still expected him to walk through the door, and put his arm around her, and spin Donna around, like he so often used to. She never got used to the fact that he wouldn't be coming through the door, ever again.

She never forgot John, she never stopped missing him. She never stopped regretting how she treated him. She never stopped wishing she could turn back the time and stop it happening. But she couldn't change it now. And now her baby - their baby was the only thing getting her through the day.


End file.
